


In The Mirror

by TriplePirouette



Category: Agent Carter (TV)
Genre: F/M, Past Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2016-02-04
Packaged: 2018-05-18 05:45:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5900605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TriplePirouette/pseuds/TriplePirouette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On her wedding day, Peggy contemplates running and misses the man she feels is the true love of her life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In The Mirror

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the speculation going around that Peggy married to prevent deportation, not for love. Set approximately ten years after Season 2, episode 4 "Smoke and Mirrors". I’m not sure why I wrote this. I’m pretty much a die-hard Steggy shipper and after Daniel lied to Peggy in the first episode of season 2, I would have sworn I wouldn’t want them together. I guess some stories just want to be told. Past Steve/Peggy, Peggy/Sousa
> 
> Please note: This fic does *NOT* paint the Carter/Sousa relationship in a good light. If you're looking for canon or fluff, please turn back now.

 

Peggy stared at herself in the mirror, wondering if the ghost of her mother was behind her, as teary-eyed as she had been the first time Peggy wore a wedding dress.

 

That had been only moments before they heard the news of Michael’s death.

 

Years before she lost Steve.

 

It had been long before so very, very much.

 

The plain white dress wasn’t much. She didn’t want it to be, and it didn’t have to be. She’d gotten the dress off the rack on a sale, and the modest jacket that came with it made it more suited to a Sunday sermon than a courthouse wedding. There was going to be a judge, and Ana and Edwin had said they’d come. Her step-children were serving as best man and maid of honor. She didn’t expect anyone else to be there.

 

Her future husband was, no doubt, far more nervous than she.

 

She cared about him, cared about him enough to say yes, at least. Daniel was a good man, and Violet had died almost two years ago now. Their children needed a mother, and Peggy didn’t exactly want to be deported. Not that the threats were valid, but they were enough to make Daniel offer, followed by a ring and a proper proposal a few days later. Their history was long and complicated, even more so after Violet had died. He’d turned to her in his grief, and she’d been so lonely for so very long. It hadn’t been hard to transition from awkward friends to lovers, not when they worked as closely as they had for so long.

 

Daniel wasn’t the love of her life. Peggy knew you only got one of those now. But she cared for him, and he cared for her- probably far more than he should have for being married to another woman for seven years, for having two children with her.

 

She ran her hand down the side of the dress, straightened her fascinator, and closed her eyes. So many of her dreams had come true, and so many of them had crumpled in the wake of her pursuit of the kind of life she wanted. She wondered if she should just run, if she should jump out the window next to her and catch the first plane to anywhere. Everyone she seemed to love died. Everyone she tried to care for with more than just a friendly notion left her. She didn’t want the same for Daniel, didn’t want to endanger his children.

 

Peggy ran over to the window and pried it open, taking deep, gasping breaths of the fresh air. She didn’t know if she could do this, didn’t know if she should. She loved Daniel, but wasn’t in love with him. She could see herself with him, but couldn’t see the happy, fairy tale ending that she’d always imagined with Steve on those long, dreary nights in army camps as she slept on rickety cots.

 

She had to stop comparing every man to Steve, had to stop measuring them up against his quirky smile and swift determination. It was easy to justify being alone when she told herself that no man would measure up to Steve. It was hard when she would think that he’d be heartbroken to see her eating so many meals for one.

 

There was a sharp knock at the door. “Peggy?”

 

She took a calming breath, turning away from the window. “I thought you didn’t want to see me before the ceremony?” she called.

 

The door slowly cracked open, Daniel’s head peeking in. “I didn’t, but the ceremony was supposed to start five minutes ago, so this doesn’t count.” He stepped all the way in, his crutch clicking on the hard tile floor as the door shut behind him. “You ok?”

 

Peggy nodded, walking over and taking his hand. “I am, I’m- I got lost in thought.”

 

Daniel sighed, squeezing Peggy’s hand tight. “Peg, you know how I feel about you, but-“ He let her hand go, looking up at her with sad eyes, “I have no intention of making a woman who doesn’t love me marry me.” He sniffed, looking away. “We’ll find another way to keep you in the country and to keep them from getting control of SHIELD.”

 

Peggy took a deep breath, stepping into Daniel’s space, relaxing as his free arm wound around her. “I do love you, Daniel. I wouldn’t have even considered it if I didn’t.”

 

“You’re still hesitating.” He dropped a soft kiss on her forehead, wrapping his arm tighter around her. “What is it?”

 

The room was small, but suddenly it felt impossibly so, it felt far too small for all of the emotions bubbling up within her, far too small for all of the words she didn’t understand how to say or the ‘what-ifs’ and ‘might-have-beens’ that she couldn’t even conceive of how to explain. The small courthouse room was just a chair and a mirror and a window, and Peggy felt the walls close in smaller and smaller with each breath. “I-“ Peggy’s voice shook, and she stopped talking because the tears in her eyes might fall without her permission, especially after they’d formed without her knowledge.

 

Daniel gently turned her, moving the shaking woman to sit in the room’s only chair. He knelt before her, letting his crutch gently lay on the tile beside him. He took both of Peggy’s hands in his, looking up at her confused and frustrated eyes, tears held in check. “Did I ever tell you about the first time I saw you?”

 

Peggy cleared her throat, taking a shaky breath as she smiled down at him. “My first day in New York, I believe, when Dooley thought I was the new secretary and handed me a tray full of coffee cups which I promptly dropped on purpose.”

 

Daniel smiled and laughed. “Good try, but no.” Peggy tipped her head, the tears starting to clear up as he distracted her. “I think that’s the first time you saw me.”

 

“So then when?” She asked as her breathing slowed down.

 

“November 24, 1943,” Daniel said, his eyes holding her gaze. He saw the moment the date registered, watched how her eyes widened. “I first saw you when I followed Captain America back onto that outpost. He walked right up to you, the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen, and you two had eyes for one another like no one else in the world existed.”

 

“Daniel, I had no idea…” She started, but he stopped her with a raised hand.

 

“I don’t tell people.” He looked down. “Hydra caught my squadron on a routine perimeter check. I was in that hellhole for almost a month. I got hobbled in the firefight on the way out.” Daniel nodded, his eyes far away in the memory. “I had never seen a soldier like him before. After seeing how brave he was, well, I would have followed that damn shield anywhere.”

 

Peggy slipped a hand from his grasp, running it through his hair. “I don’t… I’m sorry I don’t remember you.”

 

“You never met me.” He smiled a little. “Got carried in, they hauled me off to the medical tent, and I was shipped out less than twenty four hours later to the nearest hospital where they tried to patch me up.” He shrugged. “SSR recruited me from there.” He took her hand in his, pressing a gentle kiss to the palm. “It sounds… creepy, but I kept tabs. It was hard not to- you and Rogers were all over the SSR, you were all anyone talked about.”

 

Peggy slouched, rolling her eyes. “Don’t believe all the gossip you heard.”

 

“I didn’t.” He stood, looking down at her. “But when I first met you in New York, and I mean really met you- I was star struck. And all I wanted was for you to look at me like you looked at Captain Rogers that day on the base.” Daniel stood. “Now that I know you, I know that can’t happen. I know you’ll never love me the same way you loved him.”  


Peggy jumped to her feet, laying her hands on his shoulders. “Daniel, I do love you.”

 

The corner of his lips quirked up, his hands reaching out to cradle her elbows, “I know, Peg.” He leaned up and kissed her forehead. “Just like I know that I love you very differently from how I loved Violet.” He stepped back, his limp more pronounced without his crutch to lean on. “I’ll understand if that’s not enough for you, and…” He took a slow, deep breath, doing his best to hold her gaze, “and I won’t ever stop being there for you if that’s how you feel.”

 

Peggy turned, reaching down to pick up Daniel’s crutch and handing it to him. She cradled his chin in her hand, leaning forward and kissing him gently. She searched his gaze, hoping he could see all the things she couldn’t say. “Please tell the judge I’ll be out in a minute.”

 

Daniel nodded, slipping out the door with one last squeeze of her hand.

 

Peggy took a slow, deep breath as the door clicked shut. She loved Daniel. He’d always been there for her. She could see a future with him. Perhaps it wasn’t the one she’d always dreamed of, and perhaps she was taking the easy road out as she had almost done with Fred all those years ago, but there was a time for adventure, and a time for realism. The truth was she was lonely, and she was tired of fighting by herself. Daniel had always had her back, he’d always been there for her, and there was nothing more comforting to her than the idea of coming home at the end of the day to his small family and feeling like she belonged there. With every year that passed the illicit hotel trysts they engaged in seemed to hold less and less appeal to her. With each lonely night her bare, empty apartment seemed smaller and more oppressive.

 

Steve was never coming back, and there was no point in waiting anymore. Peggy had a chance at some semblance of happiness with a man who loved her. Perhaps he didn’t love her in the way she wanted, didn’t quite respect her in the way she hoped, didn’t exactly see her as the equal she wanted to be, but he tried, and that was more than most had done.

 

Peggy looked at herself in the mirror, smoothing down her dress. Sometimes enough was better than nothing, and she was tired of having only memories.

 

 


End file.
